Dear Facebook. It's not me, it's you.

I don't know about you, but this pandemic is really messing with my mind. In some ways, it's like someone packed my head full of cotton wool. I want to snack on all the things, and I even binged on some reality TV my more discerning, pre-COVID self never would have watched (Love is Blind, Tiger King). In other ways, there's been a strange kind of clarity into how I live and how I want to live. Some things definitely don't marry up. Like social media. I've had a love-hate with Facebook for a long time, but the scales finally tipped. At first, I took a break to feel it out, and when I went back, that space felt more toxic than terrific. I decided to cut that virtual umbilical cord.

Now, social media is different things for different people, I get that, but to me it increasingly—for want of a better word—sucked. Overall, my feed was either riddled with negativity or humble bragging or just humdrum. I didn't have much to say, either, but what I missed most of all was actual connection, which is (aside from spying on ex-friends and lovers) supposed to be the point of Facebook and Co. Some people I love are on there, yet I wasn't getting more than a glossed-over glimpse into their lives. I didn't really know what was going on with them except for on a vague superficial level, and I got this sense that everyone had become too afraid to say much of anything. It became very vanilla. And yet I lacked the self-discipline to check in once a week for, say, 5 minutes. No, I still whiled away a good chunk of time scrolling then wallowing in guilt and disappointment.

Time for the chop. I wrestled with major FOMO. I had a page with a little community. It may seem pathetic, but I was loathe to lose that. I told myself the 5% of people on there who care will still care and will come find me outside the walls of social—assuming there is a parallel universe in which people still text and email and, dare I say, phone. A week has passed. It has been interesting, I won't lie. A bit lonely (what are y'all doing???), but some of the cotton wool has gone. My head is decidedly less fuzzy. The toxic taste in my mouth is gone. I can be more sparing about how much news I watch.

I have this yearning to get back to the good old nostalgia of the early 2000s! Hence the creation of this blog—if that's what we're calling it. Mostly I want a space where that 5% can come and find me and talk about whatever outside of those tall walls, you know, a conversation. So, hi there. I'm not sure how much I will have to say or how often, at least this space isn't at the mercy of the big F. Imagine a room with a big virtual armchair or beanbag that you can sink into for a bit. Tell me something real about how you're feeling. Does social media still do it for you? Life is so not normal right now, and it won't be for the foreseeable future, but maybe that's also a good thing. Maybe when the world's going to shit (which it is, on so many levels), it's a chance and an opportunity to do some stuff better. For me, that starts with dumping Facebook's ass.

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